My Journey from Fear to Love

The eldest of four siblings brought up in the uncertain environment of the Cold War and the political unrest of 1960s America, I entered adult life still a scared adolescent – despite the bravado and false confidence I managed to project to my family and friends. This internalized fear of life and the unknown became my motivating force, my guidance system if you will, and led me to actions and decisions which I lived to regret more often than not. 

While I certainly enjoyed aspects of my life along the way, and have many fond memories of those, there was an underlying sense of unease and disquiet always right below the surface that reared its head here and there, sometimes in ugly ways. (Hint: “Mr. Mad Moment” was an apt nickname given to me by my father at one point.)

As I neared retirement age managing a seven figure business, and as yet another long term relationship crumbled around me, I realized that regardless of how good I was at it, the stress of the job was killing me, and any attempt to once again jump from one failed relationship into another would be disastrous. 

Finding similar advice in two different books I was reading at the time, I chose to jump off of the hamster wheel, pay close attention to ending this relationship properly and amicably rather than burning yet another bridge, and undertake an inward journey to reconnect with my authentic self so as to get my bearings and become self-directed for perhaps the first time in my life.

My personal success at this leads me to want to share the possibility of renewal with others.